Scragged - All Comments

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 2

Patience — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 11:28:33 GMT

"Study after study illustrates that men's sex drives are not only stronger than women's, but much more straightforward."

http://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare

"...a large survey published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology last year, in which about 40% of women reported some sort of sexual problem -- most commonly low sexual desire -- but only 12% report feeling distressed about it."

"Lack of sex drive (lack of libido) is common in women, but quite rare in men."

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/lackingsexdrive.htm

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 2

Werebat — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 04:38:52 GMT

Patience, can you find me any studies that indicate women having a lower average sex drive than men?

I have read several comments to the effect that as women reach middle age (the point where their ability to reproduce isn't gone yet, but won't be around much longer), their sex drives increase. This would make sense from a genetic standpoint for a few reasons.

An earlier series of articles on this very website considered male versus female sexualities and reasons for marriage; IMO this series, while interesting, missed the mark on the typically less-considered aspects of both male and female desires (both heavily influenced by the cold amoral logic of their genes). For example, the vast majority of men actually do have a desire to pair-bond and provide for one woman and her children by them, and women have very similar drives to "cheat" on their partners as the ones their menfolk do (though they are typically more selective in who they will choose to "cheat" with, the percentage of women who "cheat" is very close to the percentage of men who do).

In short, both men and women have strong drives to form loving pair-bonds; and both men and women have strong desires to get a little sex on the side, probably without their pair-bonded partner knowing about it. Both desires carry risks, but the potential rewards are strong enough (even if they aren't consciously realized) that the drives producing them remain.

Male and female sexualities are indeed different in many ways, but one must be careful not to ignore that many many ways in which they are also very similar -- although sometimes for slightly different reasons.

re: Happy Money and the Spirit of Capitalism

Bob Rutske — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 19:36:13 GMT

Quite possibly the most wonderful way of explaining this I've ever read...

Thanks

re: The Lesson of Iraq

twibi — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 12:22:19 GMT

Ed and David are forgetting why we went to Iraq to begin with. Changing the Iraqi culture or "setting up democracy" was never the mission.

In March of 2003, President Bush and Secretary Powell told the United Nations that there was significant evidence that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction and that our contacts said Saddam planned to use them.

For more than a decade Saddam had defied inspections and several of his top scientists told the US that he was planning on using nuclear and biological weapons. Furthermore, a dozen other developed nations backed up the US report with evidence of their own. Among them: England, Russia, Poland, Italy and Germany.

If we are to learn from our history, we must remember it correctly. "Nation building" is a whipping boy that liberals and libertarian-conservatives love to rally around, but it is has nothing to do with our original purpose in Iraq.

re: The Lesson of Iraq

David R — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 02:00:48 GMT

We can't change these countries because their cultures and even governments are controlled by their religion. We should not and in fact cannot change their religion, so we need to stop trying.

re: The Lesson of Iraq

Ed Burg — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 00:02:00 GMT

We (as a nation) were never very clear about the goals we had over there. We were most certainly kidding ourselves when we believed that we could change the culture to reflect American values in any capacity. There are deeper underlying issues that are part of the fabric of that culture that preclude it from happening.

This is one conservative, who from the very beginning, believed that an occupation in that area was a stupid idea. If we have objectives like taking out Saddam, then execute those objectives and be done with it!

re: The Lesson of Iraq

SparkyVA — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 23:17:38 GMT

Following the developments in the Mideast, I will be very grateful if we can get through the next two weeks without another war/attack breaking out. Iran is pulling out all the stops to try to start something big in Lebanon and Syria. Then we are hearing about two "dry runs" on our airplanes this week. Take a deep breath and keep your head down. The war on terrorism is certainly not over, and, it has always benefited the sitting President politically to have to rally the nation for a war. Yeech!

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 2

Patience — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 14:07:27 GMT

It is generally understood in the literature that, on average, women have a less intense sex drive than men. Of course these are averages, so any given woman might have a stronger sex drive than any given man as seems to be Werebat's situation, but generally speaking across the averages of millions, this is the case.

It's also true that satisfying a woman is rather more difficult than a man, again on average.

It will be interesting to see how this works back around to politics as promised.

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 2

lfon — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 21:03:34 GMT

I do agree with Werebat though - women are not created with equal sexuality.

In the past, I have argued with friends (unsuccessfully) that most woman that "don't want sex" have simply repressed the urge based on years of sexual disappointment with their partner.

Given a generous lover, a woman will want sex quite a bit. If she knows that she isn't going to be satisfied, it turns into a chore with a solitary goal of making the man happy.

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 2

lfon — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 20:59:21 GMT

I assumed "Lee" WAS in fact a woman. No?

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 2

Werebat — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 20:49:16 GMT

I always enjoy reading Scragged authors' treatises on female sexuality, but I'd really like to see what would result if one of them were written by an actual female.

The woman I have committed myself to is strong, independent, and earns three times what I do. She doesn't NEED me -- she WANTS me. Neither of us feels like we own or are owned by the other. Her sex drive matches (or possibly exceeds) my own, and while we do often make love, we just as often f**k. It's important to do both.

The assumption that women somehow don't want or enjoy sex is puzzling. In my personal experience I've found it to be mainly true of the sort of milquetoast "moon maidens" who will settle for living in orbit around their men; Me, I prefer my "sun goddess" who can kill her own chickens, ski better than I can, and suture a sucking chest wound.

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 2

Jay w — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 17:54:35 GMT

In my work I require couples to have three counseling sessions with me before I will conduct the marriage service. I always ask the question "why do you love this person?" and "Why do you want to get married"?. As you can guess the answers vary greatly and are quite telling at times. Those who have put some serious thought into the question talk about the other person and how they want them to be part of their lives; those are the ones that give me hope for a successful marriage. Those that talk about the physical/financial aspects and the need to marry to make it "right" or "proper" leave me shaking my head. I shouldn't be surprised it is the answer our modern society has put forward as being correct.

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 2

The Editors — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 13:56:09 GMT

Have patience, Tydings is going somewhere political with this theme.

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 2

Kendrick — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 12:48:14 GMT

Interesting view point, but...... Sunday School classes on Scragged? Separation of church and state please.

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 1

rhayat1 — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 18:01:17 GMT

Finding a good husband is not difficult for attractive women of any race. Overall, however, white women are more attractive than black women and this is why so many black men prefer white women. Why black women would prefer black men is a mystery.

re: Computers Plug and Play - Hospitals Plug and Pray

lfon — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 13:35:17 GMT

"You're the only one who really cares."

Absent any real market competition - which does not exist in health care, energy, aviation, etc - that sentence is the crux of the matter. YOU are the only one that cares about what you buy. The vendor couldn't care less. With real market competition, the vendors start to care.

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 1

sam — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 15:50:31 GMT

It's even harder in New Orleans

ON RELIGION
In New Orleans, Black Churches Face a Long, Slow Return
By SAMUEL G. FREEDMAN
Black churches in the Lower Ninth Ward have struggled to reopen, and those that have draw only a fraction of the parishioners from before the storm.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/28/us/28religion.html?th&emc=th

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 1

jonyfries — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 12:11:18 GMT

A couple months ago there was an NPR story on a black woman that has made a career out of giving seminars on why black women should date out side of their race (not exclusively but as an option).

Apparently many Black women often see it as a terrible thing to date someone who isn't black. Black men however do not have a similar feeling. This also would decrease the available pool of mates.

re: Dr. Laura Punches A Tar Baby

jonyfries — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 11:59:23 GMT

Well said Werebat. I would say that with the info that we have its really not possible to make any clear determiniation on that if the husband in this case is actually insensitive to his wife's needs. We would need more details on how 'n-word'[sic] is used and what the couple of talked about.

As a matter of politics the woman does need to get over it. As a matter of an interpersonal relationship the husband needs to ensure that his wife feels welcome around his friends.

If this was a political talk show the rant would have been inline with the show. Since this is a personal help line it most decidedly is not.

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 1

Kevin J Jones — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 17:19:28 GMT

Let's see what a real expert says:

"...churchgoing is as powerful a force for entry into marriage among African Americans as it is for whites. Most striking, FFCW analyses indicate that the current gap between White and Black marriage rates would be even larger were it not for the fact that African Americans attend church at higher rates than whites."

-W. Bradford Wilcox, Religion, Race, and Relationships in Urban America

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 1

Bob Rutske — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 16:15:59 GMT

Good article, but when you say "Every man knows in his heart that a women can give him a taste of heaven right here on earth" I think you're wrong. I'm assuming your talking about sexual pleasure, which is a wonderful earthly thing but highly doubtful to be present (or anythinig remotely like it) in the afterlife. In that existance "Joy" is hopefully far beyond any physical "feelings" we've ever experienced...

re: Does Church Keep Black Women Single? - 1

Atish — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 15:29:06 GMT

Excellent article, Lee!

Three cheers for the (real) black churches for imparting good morals to their congregations.

re: Dr. Laura Punches A Tar Baby

Werebat — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 06:01:54 GMT

Brief edit for the above -- a better analogy would be Dr. Laura being told to put up and shut up because SO MANY WOMEN TODAY pose for nude photos, and you can find nude pictures of women all over the internet, and that women are all about "nude photos, nude photos, nude photos". Remember that in her own case, Dr. Laura was a clear participant, and we have no proof that her caller ever used "the N-word".

re: Dr. Laura Punches A Tar Baby

Werebat — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 05:57:34 GMT

As I'm not married and don't plan on it anytime soon, "marriage" across cultures wouldn't even apply to me! But you are correct, being a thin-skinned and irritable person is its own punishment.

Meanwhile, being an insensitive jerk who makes a point of doing and saying things that you know will irritate the people around you is bound to lead to trouble. Such a person should not complain too much when they are treated the way one would expect them to be treated for acting the way they do.

IMO, the caller's real problem with her husband was his failure to deal with his friends when they acted in a way that she found offensive. This has more to do with a lack of care and respect than it does with "racism".

Dr. Laura once posed for nude photos for a boyfriend of hers. Years later, he put them up on the internet for all to see. She asked him to take them down, and then as I understand it lost a court battle to force him to take them down when he refused. AFAIK they're still out there if you care to see them. Her ex wasn't breaking any laws in doing what he did, and unlike her caller Dr. Laura CLEARLY participated in the very act she wanted to remove from public exposure, but I suspect she would have disagreed with a rebuke that she shouldn't be upset because she was all about "nude photos, nude photos, nude photos" every time she had a boyfriend. The man had every LEGAL right to put those photos up on the internet, but it was wrong for him to do so and she was right to be upset with him for it.

re: Dr. Laura Punches A Tar Baby

Julia — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 22:13:34 GMT

@Werebat - you use the term "thin-skinned" as if it applied only in marriage across cultures. In fact and in truth, being thin skinned is a VERY BAD idea if you plan to relate to any other people at all. College roommates, office mates, people in line at the DMV - it doesn't matter, if you are thin-skinned, you're in for trouble.

re: Dr. Laura Punches A Tar Baby

Werebat — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 17:39:08 GMT

I teach in an inner city school and I often find myself using "the N-word" in my classroom, where I am often the only White person in the room.

Allow me to clarify. Many works of American literature use "the N-word", works such as Mark Twain's _Huckleberry Finn_ and William Faulkner's "A Rose for Emily". The word is right there in the text, multiple times. Should I say "N-word" when reading aloud to my classes? Or should I discuss the historical use of the word and ask students why THEY think the authors chose to use it as they did, and if THEY think the authors were just racists or if maybe other factors might have been at work?

Two further points, admittedly without much focus:

Cajuns have a similar pejorative word that has been used against them, which has been recognized as legally unacceptable (discrimination cases have been won based on offending parties using the word). While a Cajun might be rightly offended at a non-Cajun who called him this word (whether that individual were Black, White, or any other color), many Cajuns continue to use the word freely with each other in pretty much exactly the same way Blacks use "the N-word". More educated Cajuns tend to frown on the internal use of "the C-word" (not "Cajun", the OTHER "C-word") and deride those who use it internally, much the same way Bill Cosby derides Black American use of "the N-word". And so on. It is an almost identical situation.

I'm Acadian, so it's arguable whether or not I'd be allowed to use "the C-word" in a group of Cajuns (our ancestors were separated in 1755 when theirs were ethnically cleansed by the British and mine hid in the woods for ten years before the madness of the time died down). But every time I hear this sort of discussion I smile a little inside as I know there's a word I can hold over the head of any person capable of holding "the N-word" over mine.

Regarding mixed marriages and thin skin (regardless of color) -- while Acadians are nearly all at least a little "mixed", I'm basically White, and I prefer darker women (for a variety of reasons). I write this from India where I'm visiting the family of the woman I am in a committed relationship with. Indeed thin skin is not a good quality to have if you want to share such a huge part of your life with someone from a different race, religion, culture, etc. It helps that my GF is only about as "Hindu" as I am "Catholic" (ie we've been known to eat steaks on Fridays in Lent). Even so, it isn't for everyone. I'll freely admit that many people simply do not have what it takes to reap the many rewards of a "mixed" relationship. That being said, I think the wife in this case probably had every right to be upset if her husband's friends were using a word she considered derogatory in her presence when she made it clear she did not want them to do so. I know that if any friend of mine chose to speak or act in a manner that it had been made clear to them made my own love uncomfortable, there would be a "little talk" with them and if that didn't do the trick they would not be invited back into the house. That has nothing to do with race and everything to do with common decency to one's spouse (and the spouse of one's friends).

Put another way -- a friend of mine has a wife who is deathly afraid of clowns. I think that's a silly fear. We live in a free country where I'm free to dress in a clown suit and wear clown makeup if I so choose. If I chose to attend a cookout at his house dressed in such a way, even though there are no laws against it, I can tell you that he would not just laugh it off and let me join in the festivities. And even though I find his wife's phobia to be silly, I wouldn't blame him.

re: Dr. Laura Punches A Tar Baby

lfon — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 17:06:06 GMT

"I find it annoying that the term 'n-word' is ever used at all. We are all adults and one should be able to say the word that one is discussing"

I could not agree more.

In conversations, I've used the word (the whole phonetic word) with other adults and been surprised at the obvious shock on their face. These are conservative people that claim to hate political correctness. Why then are they so surprised? I was not using the word to disparage or describe a person. I was speaking ABOUT the word.

One caveat... Around children, one should avoid using the actual word (just as with "fuck", "shit", etc) because children will repeat the word, not understanding the offensiveness it carries. You don't want your toddler walking through the grocery store saying "i like [n word]!" just because it happens to pop into their head.

re: Dr. Laura Punches A Tar Baby

jonyfries — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 16:57:57 GMT

I find it annoying that the term 'n-word' is ever used at all. We are all adults and one should be able to say the word that one is discussing. Its as if one is unable to say Lucifer because if you do he'll pop up. Its utter non sense. I have never and will never use the 'n-word' (bother) as a pejorative.

However when my friend's and I were discussing Dr. Laura's rant they all started it by saying 'n-word' and I said the actual word. Why? Because we're bloody adult's we can handle civil conversation with the actual word. Its like saying 'the F-word', what on earth is so mysteriously powerful about the word?

The argument that 'the N-word' being used by blacks robs it of its 'power' is belied by the fact that it still has power when said by a white! In fact the only way to 'rob it of its power' is for people to stop caring if anyone says it at all!

Many terms were used as insults but were accepted by those they were directed against (including Yank, which actually means something along the lines of a hic or hillbilly). But they only lost their power when the person attempting to do the insulting is met with indifference by the attempted insulted. Otherwise they still have their power.

Finally, I would like to say that how Dr. Laura used the word was inappropriate but not that she used it. 'N-word,' 'N-word,' 'N-word' can not be construed as constructive conversation. Something like "One hears the 'N-word'[sic] very frequently on black entertainment so why should whites not be able to use the word as well?" Could be constructive. It seems to me that it was Dr. Laura's intent to anger the other party (which was not the caller but a much larger audience). Intending to anger a group of people on an advice show really isn't an appropriate forum. Even if it is your show.

re: Dr. Laura Punches A Tar Baby

Ron — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 15:31:21 GMT

"Punched a tar baby" HAS to be the best headline this year!

re: Dr. Laura Punches A Tar Baby

Katherine — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 15:15:42 GMT

Fantastic article. Dr. Laura, your show will be sorely missed.